Phew, back to work after a slightly emotional weekend with the kids. I don't know whether this is back to school blues or the next stage to look forward to but this weekend was definitely a bit of a rollercoaster.
Back to school has gone well - both girls are loving their new classes and, interestingly, settling in to new friendship groups. The school mixes up the form groups each year and although they are with girls they seemed to be best friends with last year, both have said their 'best' friend is now turning out to be someone else. Plenty of time for that to change I'm sure.
So the emotions started on Saturday at Newbury Show. Abi was bored within 2 mins of walking around the trade tents and just wanted to go home, whereas Izzy just wanted to go and see Sharron and help her out on the vodka stand (possibly slightly inappropriate for an 8 year old?). I just wanted to mooch around the tents and look at all the country-style stuff I clearly don't need but really want - when will I learn to go on my own?!?
Abi had arranged to meet 2 of her friends at midday near the helter skelter so we rushed over there for her to do that, via scaring the life out of Izzy in the Haunted House. I said she'd hate it, but no, we still paid good money to make her cry! After a while both families wandered off and Abi was still out of sorts, until we got to the animal show rings where she calmed down. She and I watched the cattle best in show together (took ages, Abi managed to pick out the champion cow, all 3 of the ones I choose were duds apparently) and then went into the goat & sheep tents where she was happy as anything. The healing power of animals.
The major breakdown came when Abi wanted to have a piece of chocolate because Izzy had a cake after the party. I said no - she'd already had some banana cake - and she just erupted. We've been trying to strike a line recently of helping both girls to understand that what they eat is important for their health, but Abi feels this is aimed solely at her because she is heavier than Izzy. It's not, and my heart goes out to her because that's exactly how I felt as a child when compared to Amanda, but there's no getting away from the fact that she will also be more conscious of her weight due to her build and if we can get a sensible perspective on it now it will help her when she's older. I don't want her finding comfort in food when what she really needs to manage her moods is to be busy.
This then developed into a much deeper conversation about her feeling angry, why this was, how she feels better when she's both active and busy, particularly when it's around around animals. She's more interested in this than play dates and barbies. We had a long discussion about what we can do about it and agreed some actions. It also triggered an admission from Izzy that she doesn't want to go to Angie's at half term because she doesn't like being away from us for that long and she was only going because Abi was going! It was like a family confession hour!
The good news in all of this of course is that Abi feels better, everyone was reminded of the power of talking and I think we made some progress in helping her to understand that she's like Glenn and I - both of us are horrible if we aren't active and engaged in something. We also discussed the fact that it's ok to be different - Izzy is happiest at home, curled up with her book or playing with friends. Abi needs the reassurance of home but needs something constructive to do.
So, lots of talking and of course I'm left thinking about what I can do to make it better for everyone. In reality we can only do so much and some of this will have to come for herself. I do think the most frustrating thing for Abi is she's a very mature little girl and would benefit from being able to help out in a yard somewhere - but who'd have a not quite 10 year old?!?
Back to school has gone well - both girls are loving their new classes and, interestingly, settling in to new friendship groups. The school mixes up the form groups each year and although they are with girls they seemed to be best friends with last year, both have said their 'best' friend is now turning out to be someone else. Plenty of time for that to change I'm sure.
So the emotions started on Saturday at Newbury Show. Abi was bored within 2 mins of walking around the trade tents and just wanted to go home, whereas Izzy just wanted to go and see Sharron and help her out on the vodka stand (possibly slightly inappropriate for an 8 year old?). I just wanted to mooch around the tents and look at all the country-style stuff I clearly don't need but really want - when will I learn to go on my own?!?
Abi had arranged to meet 2 of her friends at midday near the helter skelter so we rushed over there for her to do that, via scaring the life out of Izzy in the Haunted House. I said she'd hate it, but no, we still paid good money to make her cry! After a while both families wandered off and Abi was still out of sorts, until we got to the animal show rings where she calmed down. She and I watched the cattle best in show together (took ages, Abi managed to pick out the champion cow, all 3 of the ones I choose were duds apparently) and then went into the goat & sheep tents where she was happy as anything. The healing power of animals.
After an eventful Saturday night - Glenn away and a major power failure with house alarms pinging hourly - Sunday morning was ok. Then Mia came round (In Abi's class in school but gets on better with Izzy in reality) which caused more tears. Izzy and Mia were playing dolls, Abi didn't want to and felt excluded, they didn't notice etc. etc. I had a chat to her at the time and we talked about the fact that when Abi, Emma and Mia play it's Ma that feels excluded - that's the problem with 3. Abi then went to Mia's while Izzy went to a party and even then it wasn't great - can't win.
This then developed into a much deeper conversation about her feeling angry, why this was, how she feels better when she's both active and busy, particularly when it's around around animals. She's more interested in this than play dates and barbies. We had a long discussion about what we can do about it and agreed some actions. It also triggered an admission from Izzy that she doesn't want to go to Angie's at half term because she doesn't like being away from us for that long and she was only going because Abi was going! It was like a family confession hour!
The good news in all of this of course is that Abi feels better, everyone was reminded of the power of talking and I think we made some progress in helping her to understand that she's like Glenn and I - both of us are horrible if we aren't active and engaged in something. We also discussed the fact that it's ok to be different - Izzy is happiest at home, curled up with her book or playing with friends. Abi needs the reassurance of home but needs something constructive to do.
So, lots of talking and of course I'm left thinking about what I can do to make it better for everyone. In reality we can only do so much and some of this will have to come for herself. I do think the most frustrating thing for Abi is she's a very mature little girl and would benefit from being able to help out in a yard somewhere - but who'd have a not quite 10 year old?!?
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