Skip to main content

Letting go

I seem to have written a lot about Abi's absence this summer, and I guess the realisation is dawning that I'm having to learn to let go of her as she is definitely growing up and needs us less, at least on the face of it.  Underneath all that bravado I appreciate she does still need me - when she manages to glace through the house for 5 minutes I might get a moment of connection with her, but they are few and far between and I find myself craving attention from her which is a bit pathetic really. The special moments are still there, where we curl up on her bed together and have a chat, or where she comes out of pre-teen mode for long enough to let me stroke her hair while she cuddles up to me, but they are fleeting and I have to grab them where I can. Given she has been home so little I also have to stop myself from feeling resentful that when she is with us I'm expected to drop all my plans to fit in with hers - it really is a confusing time for us all! It does help to talk about it - I'm certainly not alone and as Mum said, I was exactly the same - although I do feel she has grown up more quickly and is more independent than her friends. All that said if I look at it unemotionally it's not surprising. She would love to live at Mia's (she pretty much does) and who wouldn't at her age? Mia's Mum is a free spirit, the house is full of animals (literally), bed time is whenever you want and no one takes her phone off her when it's time to sleep. Compare that to our house where she is expected to get dressed at a sensible time, eat the food put in front of her when it's on offer and do her chores. Hmmm, which would you choose?! I hope the new school year will bring some much needed routine back but I suspect I have to accept that this is the new normal and if I get one or two good moments a week and she's still talking to me I'm doing an OK job.

While this is going on I'm acutely conscious that Izzy has not yet mentally disconnected from me and
therefore I'm making the most of every second of her unconditional, uncomplicated love and sunny nature (apart from yesterday when I made her go for a walk). She is soooo excited about starting her new school and arrived at my desk yesterday completely decked out in her new uniform, down to shoes, tights and colour-coded hair band! She has selected all the clubs she wants to do and is prepared to throw herself in wholeheartedly. This is contrast to Abi who hasn't yet unpacked her uniform from the bags it arrived in!  Izzy is taking it all very seriously and when I kissed her goodbye this morning I got a great big smile and a suggestion that she "stay in bed today Mummy so I'm completely rested for Thursday!" Nice try Izzy!!

Izzy has loved being the only child at home over the summer and is (and always has been) easy company to have around. While she has loads of friends, she doesn't really have a 'bestie' like Abi and so flits off to a variety of peoples houses but it's more a case of 'who is around' rather than a desperate need to be with one person. This suits me for the moment - it's going to be really hard when I feel I've lost the child in both children. Glenn on the other hand can't wait for them to move out so he can have the whole house to himself - men!! 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Diary management!

This part of the summer is definitely typified by me trying to remember who is supposed to be where and when. Abi likes to be off doing something with someone while Izzy is happier to know she's close to home and so for the last week they've gone their separate ways. Abi has been down in Somerset making the most of Ben and Laurie being about. From what I can tell she's having a lovely time. Apart from the covert phone call one evening to tell me she was 'starving'  (Mum was cooking for the hordes and so it had been delayed), I've barely heard from her. The few calls I have had have very quickly ended in "can I go now" like I'm making her speak to me! Today she switches from Mum and Dads to a night or two with Kerrie - not sure who is more excited! Izzy didn't want to be away for that long so she opted not to go. She's very conscious that Abi and Laurie are joined at the hip when together and Ben has his own things he wants to do so she ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Sunny days

As we stare down the barrel of a second national lockdown I'm not ashamed to report that I'm feeling pretty angry about the whole thing. So much for 'world beating test and trace' systems and the ability to get super granular with the way in which we respond to coronavirus. I get the fact that nationally we are seeing rates of infection and (apparently) hospital numbers rising, but the data says that in our neck of the woods we have 3(3!) cases per 100,000 people and so I cannot see why we should have to lockdown in the same way that Bolton needs to when their rates are at 190! The average for England is 16 so surely we aren't at a point where we need to take the same approach everywhere? Part of the reason I'm ranting so much is that after 2 weeks back at school I'm finally getting my Izzy back again. She has thrived with the social interactions school gives her and (although she complains about it) has loved being back. Instead of the morose, withdrawn gir...
Post a Comment
Read more

Blame the jet stream...

Shed prep, with oversight from the dogs Apparently we have the jet stream to blame for the truly awful weather we are having right now. I blame our builder - if he had got his act together and sorted out Glenn's workshop roof as he promised, sods law the sun would be shining from dawn to dusk. Instead it's still pouring every half hour and Glenn is constantly worried about how much water is coming though the roof / walls / floor etc. Apparently he 'literally' just needs to put the ridge on the top and the gully down the side and it will all be fixed. We are literally at the point of wanting to do him some actual bodily harm. The moment he disappears the better. This week he was also literally going to clad the office ("done") and has failed everyday to turn up and do it (which in my book is literally not "done"). He was also going to have Gary come and finish the electrics (not done), whack down the paving slabs (not done), render the last of the bri...
Post a Comment
Read more