RIP Scooby

What a sad post to write. After so much discussion and deliberation tomorrow we say goodbye to the most faithful of dogs, Scooby. We're gutted and I can't tell you how guilty I feel that we've called it too soon, that maybe he's ok and we could make a different decision but we all know the truth, he's been declining for months and if we don't do it tomorrow the best we can hope for is another week or so, and even then we run an ever increasing risk that he suffers a massive system failure and dies in a horrible state. We just don't want that for us or him.

This all came to a head when we agreed we should take him to the vet - his least favourite place in the world - to look at the huge lump on his leg. We explained the collapses he's had, the weight loss, his increasing slowness and the hair loss and so they suggested scanning his heart first to check he would survive an operation. The vet called Glenn to say what we already knew, his deterioration did have a reason, in his case a massive growth next to his heart which is bigger than the organ itself. It's pressing on his aorta and it's this that's been causing the collapses. Essentially the blood can't pump round his body so he's struggling in every way. Chances are he's also in pain, although being a boxer he doesn't show it. Glenn said he would, talk to us but we know we can't leave him in that state, knowing what we know. I will admit since we heard on Thursday I've woken up every morning hoping nature would have done what we don't want to. No such luck.

Of course since making the decision we've watched him like a hawk and every moment he thinks we are looking at him he's acted like a puppy - running and jumping with Bertie like a fool. When he thinks we're not looking he slows right down, then stopping completely to catch his breath. Who knows when the right time is, there's never a right time to do this. I hate that we've had to make a decision, it feels like yesterday we picked him up and brought home on my lap.

The kids are devastated, Abi particularly so. She's been in tears all weekend even though she knows it has to happen. She asked that it happens at home, where he won't be scared by the vet, and that she's not here with us to see him go. I think we'd both like not to be here as well, but we will be brave because that's what grown ups do. I hate that we are doing this.

We have such happy memories of him, and he will always have a place in our hearts. The spot under the tree where he likes to lie in the summer, watching everybody do their thing in the garden. The fact that he would wait forever outside the door to have his feet washed, even if it was open and we'd seemingly forgotten him. Me taking him running when he was younger - he's much less of a hazard than Bertie running! Him and Bertie sharing a stick and playing crocodiles in proper boxer fashion. Him being the rock on which both girls held on to as they learnt to walk.

RIP Scooby - we'll never forget you and those long long last legs that served you so well for so long. X