Emotional times

Best of friends, right to the end

Ahhh, where to start? How to share the last few weeks where I haven't had the energy to post as there has been so much happening, but so few words needed to say how we all feel. I try and post on a Sunday, otherwise the week gets away from me, but I missed this and by the time I had the chance to put pen to paper on what I might have said, our world had turned upside down and all of that seemed irrelevant. 

2 weeks ago we started normally - I walked and fed the dogs and then set off for London. We'd had a lovely afternoon the day before - over at Mum and Dad's with Amanda and family. The weather was glorious and so we all sat outside while the dogs bombed around - all 6 of them - while we had tea and cake and chatted. Laurie was feeling a bit under the weather and the girls were joking he had Corona, even though he had tested negative beforehand. Turns out they were bang on the mark as on Monday he tested positive, as did Amanda. They phoned me, I decided the girls wouldn't want to be in school without a PCR test so we arranged to pick them up at lunchtime. Glenn set off, leaving both dogs looking fine, only to arrive home 45 mins later to find Bertie collapsed on the floor unconscious. He rushed him to the vet and they spent the afternoon battling to keep him alive while I dropped everything to take a very tense train journey home. On the vets advice we brought him home that night with instructions to keep him calm and warm with no exercise and a heap of drugs. We took the next 10 days one day at a time, with him getting used to being left behind for walks, and Betty getting used to the fact that her best buddy didn't have the energy to play quite the way he used to. After multiple conversations with the vet we decided we would stick with the drugs they'd given us and not run loads more tests - they were quite clear that his heart had failed and was very weak and the prognosis was not good - what purpose would prodding and poking him serve? 

On Wednesday morning after torrential rain the sun came out and I took the dogs into the field. They were clearly loving the warmth of the sun and Bertie was playing almost as normal. I had already decided I would allow him to dictate how much or little he wanted to do. They had a brilliant game and he came running over to me and then collapsed again. This time it was more serious and it was clear he couldn't get his breath. His heart was racing and he looked so uncomfortable. We made him as comfortable as possible and rang the vet again. The whole family was in agreement, we didn't want him to have to keep going through this, with every more often attacks, so we made the very sad decision to say goodbye. 

It's the hardest thing to do. To take your much loved family friend to the vet, to sit with them as they slip away, to know that they are sleeping their last sleep. It's the third time I've had to do it and it has broken my heart every time. Bertie was such a kind and lovey dog. His habit of gently leaning into you the moment you stopped. His need to be as close to you as possible. His joy of seeing you whether you had been away for 5 mins or 5 days.  We miss him, but we know we did the right thing for him. Rest in peace our dear friend.

Abi and I have decided we are going to get a bench inscribed "Rest awhile, you are amongst old friends" for the garden. It will be place where we can pause and remember all of our dogs.

Alongside all of this I have just had a week off. Well timed as it turns out - I couldn't have managed the last week and worked at the same time. Despite all of what has happened I have managed to have a good week, albeit not one where I recharged my batteries (the whole purpose of a week off pre-half term). To take Betty's mind off Bertie being gone we have taken her on a variety of day trips. She's been to Mum and Dad's, she has been walking with our neighbour's new puppy (twice!), she has been to the canal with Kerrie and Elsie, she has been to the stables and, most excitingly, she got to go to the beach with everyone! This was very exciting for her. Not only as she no seen sand and sea before, she got to meet loads of new dogs and roar around with Woody, Milo, Fergus and Tolly. She got to travel in the horse box and then put Nula back into the field, before coming home and collapsing in a sandy heap to sleep for much of the day - she was shattered! I hope she doesn't expect every week to be like that!

As well as Betty having a wonderful trip out, Abi got to tick off a life goal of taking her own horse to the beach for an early morning ride - it was super windy and they got thrown out of a film set (which they rode through by accident!) but all in all it was pretty perfect. After the time we had had, it was the best way to blow the cobwebs away. 

So now we are getting used to the house being a bit quieter, and Betty needing a bit more of our attention to make up for the loss of her buddy. I'm adamant we aren't having another for a while, we need to regroup and decide where to go next. I have loved my Boxers dearly but I won't have another - it's too painful to lose them so soon.