Just when you think you have it all squared away, some new piece of information or event comes along and throws up everything into the air. This week it was the next school debate being re-opened for all the wrong reasons. Abi has been now for a few weeks saying she doesn't want to go to a boarding school. It's not so much the boarding aspect, but the fact that boarding schools are 6 days a week and quite frankly she has no desire to spend 6 days a week in school when there is an option to only be there for 5. It's also not that she doesn't like school it's just that she values her time away from the classroom and has other things she loves to do over and above team sports. I've been quite clear, if it's not Pangbourne College (which I thought we had all agreed on) then it's back to St Gabriels - the only sensible day school choice for us. That would mean going back to an all girls school, but it would also mean Mon-Fri and being home every evening at a sensible time rather than 7pm at the earliest with food and prep still to be done. Given I don't see Abi going down an academic route - she is so very much Glenn's daughter and the chances of her heading into office work are slim - this feels like a good choice for her.
The fly in the ointment was Izzy surprisingly. We had made an appointment to see Adam King, our
Headmaster, to get Izzy's CAT results and see what her options might be. You know you're in for a longer discussion when he starts by handing you an extra piece of paper to help explain your child's results! Izzy turns out to have (no surprises really) an 'extreme verbal bias'. This means not only is she very articulate, but she should do well in exams with a high written / text content - English, humanities etc. Her spatial bias is non-existent (sound very much like me), and her maths is just above average. What this means is she has more options open to her regarding potential future schools. I'm sure many parents would be thrilled, but I just feel like it's a bunch ore decisions I have to try and make without really knowing whether they are right, wrong or indifferent.
Given all of this I came home really thinking hard about what is best for us as a family. When I think back to our schooling Amanda and I went to a comprehensive which wasn't all that, Simon went to a private school and what has made the difference is not the schools (which were different), or the support we had from Mum and Dad (which was the same), but what was inside of us - a combination of natural ability, desire to stay in education and our own ambition. The last part feels almost the most critical - we've all followed different paths and made different choices, regardless of schooling. What I want for my children is a good grounding and an environment which builds confidence and resilience so they can make the decisions about what they want to work hard for and achieve. It's their life after all, not mine.
The decision is not helped by the fact that everyone has an opinion, and of course wants you to think the same so to justify their decision. While also thinking about the kids, I'm also thinking about me and Glenn. I don't want to have to be the one that feels all the pressure to earn enough to send them to a boarding school (BTW 5 years at an additional £30k / year over a day school from taxed income is no small commitment), or to be the one that's constantly telling the family that we can't afford this that and the other. I would also like to think there comes a point when I don't have to work so hard - £150,000 less in school fees makes that point a lot closer.
So all of this would be easier if Izzy felt like Abi, and if Glenn was more open minded about the idea of them going back to St Gabriels. Izzy wants to go to boarding school. She's not sure why, but thinks all her friends are going there and so should she. She also cares more about what other people think than Abi and I suspect she worries that others tend to dismiss it because it's the local day school. My view is that this is always going to be the case in order to justify their own decision to make the additional investment of a Pangbourne or a Bradfield. I did say to Izzy that given she is bright (we havt he extra piece of paper to prove it) she could put the extra effort in to try for scholarship towards thge additional fees. Her response was telling: "I don't want to Mummy" - as I said to her "Why should I have to work harder to pay for you to go then?". She also doesn't want to get up on a Saturday morning - that could be the deciding factor in the end!
No doubt this discussion has some way to run yet. I'm sticking to my guns for the time being though - I'm not often selfish but there's only one place all that extra money is coming from and so I have to think of me as well as them.
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| It's raining, what else do you do but go outside! |
Just when you think you have it all squared away, some new piece of information or event comes along and throws up everything into the air. This week it was the next school debate being re-opened for all the wrong reasons. Abi has been now for a few weeks saying she doesn't want to go to a boarding school. It's not so much the boarding aspect, but the fact that boarding schools are 6 days a week and quite frankly she has no desire to spend 6 days a week in school when there is an option to only be there for 5. It's also not that she doesn't like school it's just that she values her time away from the classroom and has other things she loves to do over and above team sports. I've been quite clear, if it's not Pangbourne College (which I thought we had all agreed on) then it's back to St Gabriels - the only sensible day school choice for us. That would mean going back to an all girls school, but it would also mean Mon-Fri and being home every evening at a sensible time rather than 7pm at the earliest with food and prep still to be done. Given I don't see Abi going down an academic route - she is so very much Glenn's daughter and the chances of her heading into office work are slim - this feels like a good choice for her.
The fly in the ointment was Izzy surprisingly. We had made an appointment to see Adam King, our
 |
| Izzy's constant handstands! |
Given all of this I came home really thinking hard about what is best for us as a family. When I think back to our schooling Amanda and I went to a comprehensive which wasn't all that, Simon went to a private school and what has made the difference is not the schools (which were different), or the support we had from Mum and Dad (which was the same), but what was inside of us - a combination of natural ability, desire to stay in education and our own ambition. The last part feels almost the most critical - we've all followed different paths and made different choices, regardless of schooling. What I want for my children is a good grounding and an environment which builds confidence and resilience so they can make the decisions about what they want to work hard for and achieve. It's their life after all, not mine.
The decision is not helped by the fact that everyone has an opinion, and of course wants you to think the same so to justify their decision. While also thinking about the kids, I'm also thinking about me and Glenn. I don't want to have to be the one that feels all the pressure to earn enough to send them to a boarding school (BTW 5 years at an additional £30k / year over a day school from taxed income is no small commitment), or to be the one that's constantly telling the family that we can't afford this that and the other. I would also like to think there comes a point when I don't have to work so hard - £150,000 less in school fees makes that point a lot closer.
So all of this would be easier if Izzy felt like Abi, and if Glenn was more open minded about the idea of them going back to St Gabriels. Izzy wants to go to boarding school. She's not sure why, but thinks all her friends are going there and so should she. She also cares more about what other people think than Abi and I suspect she worries that others tend to dismiss it because it's the local day school. My view is that this is always going to be the case in order to justify their own decision to make the additional investment of a Pangbourne or a Bradfield. I did say to Izzy that given she is bright (we havt he extra piece of paper to prove it) she could put the extra effort in to try for scholarship towards thge additional fees. Her response was telling: "I don't want to Mummy" - as I said to her "Why should I have to work harder to pay for you to go then?". She also doesn't want to get up on a Saturday morning - that could be the deciding factor in the end!
No doubt this discussion has some way to run yet. I'm sticking to my guns for the time being though - I'm not often selfish but there's only one place all that extra money is coming from and so I have to think of me as well as them.
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| Bake Off, Abi style |
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